Wednesday, 14 August 2013

a monster fub

Sometimes I wake up and am an unrecognizable person.

I may go through the motions, but even wearing my clothes and using my toothbrush doesn't fool anybody.

Ben will see and recognize at once that there is something amuck.

He will take action.  He will send me back to bed.  I will grumble but he will insist.

I will emerge an hour later recognizable once more as me.

I haven't been feeling like me lately.  I have had a hard summer.  I might even say that I have had a hard 5 years.  It's been five years where I have not felt like myself and have struggled to find my identity while being inundated by new and challenging responsibilities.  I've had moments of joy and clarity, but a lot of the time I feel as if I am struggling in the dark.
I am a lucky and blessed woman, and I know it.  But sometimes I struggle. I suppose everyone does, though. I shouldn't complain.  But sometimes life weighs on a person.
There are two things in life that keep me goin' and one's named Owen and the other's named Angus.  Or 'Beef' as his uncle calls him.

Also, I wouldn't trade the hard times for easy times. I like what my struggles have made me.

Today I am taking Owen to his therapy riding lesson. Fingers crossed that it helps him progress..!


  1. um how dare you! the monster in your clothes, with the pony and the...the boobs! made me laugh hard.

    you really have been through some stretching haven't you? i personally think you are amazing.

  2. I also laughed SO HARD. the monster with a side pony-tail...and the one walking towards Ben...frankly ALL of them are evil genius. I know what you mean about life being hard and looking back and noticing that it's been that way, and I agree with labee about you being amazing. 'cause you are. extraordinary. and really brave. you take on challenges and do whatever it takes!! yeah, 'fub!!

  3. I remember feeling like that. There are so many challenges to our identity when we become a wife and mother. The patterns you learned as a child emerge. And you try out different big ideas in your 20's. I think you will enjoy turning 30; I did. Everything will come together and you will emerge as truly yourself!